i can't wait for this to be over.

chop onions potatoes sweet potatoes carrots
dump in,
add chicken stock and thickened cream
into oven.
not that bad. i imagined it, more disgusting.
should have added a drumstick.
actually all i wanted to do was finish the thickened cream before it expired.

ice cream from the tub. plus chips. dip.
its never too cold to be depressed.

my housemate alex: "kim, where have u been? why do u look all depressed and defeated?"
i didn't know it was so clearly written on my face.

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

Aristotle 

i'm afraid to fail.

that guilty feeling. although i knew i did no wrong. 

i would never want the same thing to happen to me.

i still think i was being a bitch. when people keep telling me i did the right thing.

you know there are those people who make you doubt yourself.

arrogant, full with confidence, acting like they know everything but in reality they really don't.

she kept insisting that i had spelling mistakes and questioned my answers. 

i wasn't confident in my answers, cause i did not study, but i was trying.

thing is, she didn't contribute at all. i did everything. 

and i learnt that, hey, i'm really not as dumb as i thought i was.

i didn't have to doubt my own answers even though i wasn't well prepared. i knew what i know was right.

i practically did the whole exam all by myself. she just watched and continued making me doubt myself.

the thing is that at the start she made me feel like i was the stupid one. giving me that bitchy attitude making me feel tiny.

my spellings weren't wrong. bronchus is not spelled bronchos. parietal isn't spelled as paretal. my answers were correct. and you breathe in through your nose so the gases passes through your lungs first, to your heart and the rest of the body. you don't breathe in to your heart first, neither do you synthesize your own oxygen in your heart. oxygen are inhaled and transported FROM lungs first to the heart, not the other way around. i bet a person not studying human bio can tell u that. 

i was practically giving her a lesson on the respiratory system and other shits. like omg we were having an exam not a class. i'm not your tutor. 

halfway through i raised up my hands and asked the examiner to let me finish the paper on my own, no point having a partner when no, the extra brain didn't make any difference. she wasn't contributing, it was all my work anyway. but she said no.

at the end of the test i complained to the examiner again. she told me not to worry and so forth. which did not make me feel any better.

but now come to think of it, it really didn't matter. as long as i did well enough, doesn't matter whether she got the same results as me or not. it might be unfair that she didn't do anything but... it really doesn't matter. why was i so worked up i don't get it.

omg i was so frustrated and ended up crying after the test not because i didn't study and couldn't answer the questions, cause i could. they're worth 20%. thank goodness they were so simple, for once i felt smart. but yeah, i cried cause i was so frustrated at her. i felt that it was so unfair. and oh i can go on about how epic her answers were, u'd laugh.

i felt like a bitch for reporting it to the examiner. i mean i wouldn't have done that if it was a group assignment. i really don't know where i got the courage to even raise up my hand in the first place. i never do. i bet it was the frustration. adrenaline? 

guilt is killing me

我这里天快要黑了

那里呢?

我这里天气凉凉的

那里呢?


我这里一切都变了

我变的懂事了

我又开始写日记了

而那你呢?

time for bed.

so i didn't end up studying.
i ended up eating muffins.
and facebook stalking.i know now the one thing hanieh is really good in hahahahah.
her so called "new project" is to introduce guys to the oh so desperate single me. LOLOLOL.
she was so keen in calling him to come over for dinner omg. crazy woman. she's so cuteeee.
anyway I AM NOT desperate.
i will wait patiently for my turn. good things come to those who wait. no?

its funny after gathering all the guts to tell them what i heard that 2 nights and 1 morning, she heard it as well. i thought it was just me. lets say its 3 nights and 1super early morning. still counting. jia ying couldn't sleep the whole night that 3rd night after i told her and she heard it herself. hahahahahaha.

meanwhile,

i'm still thinking, what should i do with my little life? 

 roses i plucked that almost caused me to get fined :O and jabbed my fingers lol. 

i smell them and feel happy everytime i come back home.

 one dinner

 burnt muffins. 

 tasteless butter cake.

 so i added jam :D

 gnocchi. tasted like burnt plastic.

 i didn't make this caesar salad. ordered it cause i don't like burgers and we were at grill'd.

 this! i cooked. so proud of myself. i can so become a chef! 

 they were dying. so i sat there and plucked them petals off.

 he loves me, he loves me not?

  i was so bored and procrastinating. exam :( 

anyway, they look like purple cabbage huh? hahahahah! rose petals + beer. and leftover garlic, onions, bbq sauce.

i was not drunk. and i did not eat them.

 pasta

 fried rice

 burnt fried jemput-jemput (bananas)

 tomyam meehun. used instant tomyam paste of course.

 super fail disgusting porridge. 

 don't want to study.

 the non stick pan i killed hahhaha. threw it out after what? 3 weeks??

 i'm getting better at cooking. ok. this was THE BEST one yet. <3

too lazy to cook anything else, not even rice. so ate this alone. not too bad.

 easter. all the way from new york.

 fat.

 pony.

 glowing ball.

 teachers! 

 :) the girl that i owe so much to.

 autumn.

 was supposed to dress up as "rainbow" for the kids. i didn't have much colors. but i had McDonald's shoes :D

fat.

 lazy to practice.

 jayesslee concert whheee~~~

 it only looks disgusting. didn't taste bad at all. forgot to take a picture of the successful looking one. that one was  amazing.

 pasta.

 my 'paris hilton' eggs. i didnt buy this pink box one.i regret.

wrap 

pig face. i should go study now :(

I'm growing so big. HUGE ASS BIG. SIDEWAYS.

when i was skyping my 3rd sis
sis3: hey what do you have in your mouth?
me: i'm not eating anything.
sis3: your cheeks are so puffy i thought you had sweets inside!

on whatsapp. i cant remember what exactly she said but it was something like this.
sis1: kim, i saw your pictures, you're really putting on weight. but its okay cause your boobs are getting bigger. it's give and take. 
-.- i'd rather have flat boobs.

levi: what have you been eating?
me: chocolates, i drink milk, pasta, bread, cereal, rice, veggie. 
levi: eat fish or something.
me: i don't cause i don't know how to cook it and its expensive.
levi: what do you cook?
me: mostly pasta cause.. (was gonna say cause its easy to cook)
levi: PASTA IS NOT COOKING. bread and pasta is all carbs no wonder you're putting on weight!

oh. dear me. you're attending your sister's wedding in september. you're the maid of honour. you don't wanna look like a ball of fluff.